• me: so do u like dogs
  • her: nah they're kinda gross
  • me:
  • me: my mama said I gotta come home right now immediately

I’m watching a show about two people trying to survive in the wilderness, and they heard puma noises at night.
The show showed live tweets from viewers, and someone responded with “Watching this episode is going to make me so scared that I’ll PUMA pants” and I died.

Loyalty and orgasms are all I really want in a relationship

(Source: aflylovesong, via tomheadie)


Things girls look for in a boy:
•Day Man
•Fighter of the Night Man
•Champion of the sun
•Master of karate and friendship for everyone

(via inhaleaggression)


Yes hello 911. I’m bored you wanna chill or some shit

(via moistbottom)